IN MY SCHOOL, the nearest boys’ bathroom offers two styles of toilet: one is a Western, “regular” style; the other, squat-style, common in Korea and across Asia. These two roads diverged in a white porcelain mark, for me anyway, a significant leap in cultural immersion, and for weeks I wilfully ignored the issue altogether.

I can’t remember the exact moment I lost my squatting-virginity—it was probably in a Seomyeon subway washroom, against my better judgment—but I can remember my apprehension. And I remember that the moment I gave the squat a shot, I was hurled into a frighteningly stark realization that enveloped me all at once in terror and intrigue.

I fucking love squatty-potties.

As the above image shows, “chokes the rectum” is a wholly disgusting phrase.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while. My latest for Busan Awesome, which is increasingly becoming a spot where I can write simply whatever the fuck I want. But, hey, the piece was fun, right?